We're facebook friends in real life
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he just fucked me for my cheese.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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