and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
