so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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