So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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