im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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