He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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