Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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