if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
