Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize