some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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