And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize