do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
