I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
