It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Found the puke drawer
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
