So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
