You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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