she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize