Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
