YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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