Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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