well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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