i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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