Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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