Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
