Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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