last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize