we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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