Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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