I'm lost and stupid without you.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
