I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize