hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
