It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
