I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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