just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She's just so happy...and so naked.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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