I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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