She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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