For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
