mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
