I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
