Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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