those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
