also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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