Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
