In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
