everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
