FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
