Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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