Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
