I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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