you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize