dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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