if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
