hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
