I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
