I don't usually arrange sex via text message
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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