You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
