I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
