I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
