It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
