I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
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