If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
