Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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