he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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