I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
