everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
