i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
